kuhn-vik-shuh

The time has come to open up and explain what the Lord has been stirring in my heart this past year.  I need to begin by stating a few things.

-Many will read, shake your head and say "Yup, she's a strange one" and that's OK.  I expect it so carry on.
-This is personal.  Personal as in "inward"... not personal as in I don't want to share.    
-In no way do I feel that every female should at least try it.  I'm not pushing or encouraging it in any way.  I'm not talking about breastfeeding, people.  Shocking to some that have known me more than 10 minutes...
-This has not been an overnight thing.  My eyes opened to this last summer.  I have prayed read, prayed, read, confided in a few supportive ladies (only 1 with the same conviction) who have also provided me with some great reading material, read more, and prayed.
-Max didn't know my thoughts until I told him a couple weeks ago.  He supports me either way.  While discussing I realized I was the more conservative one, which was odd to me. 

Ok, many can read but few will understand.  I get that not everyone has experienced a personal conviction at one point or another.  I have.  Here it is...(drum-roll please) I have been wearing skirts (and sun dresses) for about a month now.  Yes, skirts.  


Why?  Well, few understand and fewer have experienced conviction.  See the definition, the second one to be precise.  Because, I'm not in trouble with the law.  No, not me.

Noun A formal declaration that someone is guilty of a criminal offense, made by the verdict of a jury or the decision of a judge in a court... A firmly held belief or opinion.

Ya think I fell off my rocker?  Laugh at me, it's ok.  I'm an adult and so at peace with it I don't care what the world thinks.  Simply stated, I'm here to bring God glory, not man. Lots of things have come to my attention.  Lots of things also get interpreted differently.  I get it.  The Lord has used scripture to teach me, peers to show me (on both ends of the interpretation), a husband to support me, and 'stuff' to provide confirmation.    By the way, if you didn't read it in the beginning, this is a personal conviction.  Inward!  I'm not trying to persuade.

"If you judge someone else, you have no excuse for it. When you judge another person, you are judging yourself. You do the same things you blame others for doing.  We know that when God judges those who do evil things, he judges fairly." Romans 2 1-2  Ouch!  Truth be told, it was easy for me to look at people and judge them.  Judgments varied from 'dang, that's a bit skanky' to 'another arm trophy' and even got as bad as 'if only that dedication would be towards glorifying God'.  OH MY GOSH AVERI!  Yes, I confessed, repented, and asked for forgiveness and for Him to show me what I needed to see.  I clearly had something to learn.  Inward!  Inward! INWARD!  Then I read "Brothers and sisters, God has shown you his mercy. So I am asking you to offer up your bodies to him while you are still alive. Your bodies are a holy sacrifice that is pleasing to God. When you offer your bodies to God, you are worshiping him. ² Don’t live any longer the way this world lives. Let your way of thinking be completely changed. Then you will be able to test what God wants for you. And you will agree that what he wants is right. His plan is good and pleasing and perfect. -Romans 12 1-2  The even more awesome part- this verse has been put in front of me many times including the sermon this past Sunday.  HellO Averi!  Ya there?  
Ok, back to clothing.  In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul talks about how the indecent parts of our body receive more attention to modesty.  According to biblical example, the clothes I wear should show I'm a female (Deut 22:5) without showing every nook and cranny of my pantie (Averi paraphrased).  We as humans...well,  not including my human streaker Abbigail  naturally have shame and cover our unmentionable areas.  As a friend once put it "no body wanna see that man in a boat".  (It took me a few seconds to picture it...and will take a lifetime to unpicture it. HA!) That sense of shame shows respect for parts of my body that I want to keep concealed.  I must admit, it's actually quite nice NOT being  "vacuum sealed" in my clothing.  Speaking of... some skirts, dresses, and even see through fabric can still be provocative.  My conviction is not as "tight" as others.  I'm still ok with tank tops as long as the jugs aren't spilling out.   I'm ok with some "cupping" as long as the chill in the air isn't visible through my shirt.  I don't feel like I need to do the two finger from neck measurement.  As far as length is concerned, showing knee isn't the end of the world.   And pah-lease do not think I'm going to wear a denim jumper with tennis shoes!  There is a difference between holiness and homeliness, people!  You can have style and still keep virtue.  So, why is this not an ankle length, loose fitting, hair braided, tennis shoe wearing conviction?  Well, I think it's "legalistic" for me (again, it's all about me!) to have strict clothing guidelines.  It doesn't allow for much individualism.  I have come to the conclusion that the Lord is working on my heart, my attitude and what I idolized.  In addition He is using me to be an example to my daughters.  Modesty is much more than what is on the outside.  I don't want the 'look-at-me' feeling.  I want to be attractive not look attractive.  I don't judge what other women wear unless it's a denim jumper and long braid in which I might draw a conclusion that they homeschool  I'm not convincing others to show femininity.  I'm doing it out of respect.  Respect for my God, myself, my husband, and other men I'm around.  Say whaaat?  Yeah.  Men are wired differently then women.  Surprised?  I think not.  Have you ever heard the saying "there are women you play with and women you marry"?  Immodest clothing is an outward display that I try to use my body for power or show being sexually available.  Most of the time it's not intentional.  Studies have shown that men look at parts of a woman as a "tool".  I'd like to do myself and the men around me a favor by not displaying my "tools".  Hooker clothing is labeled just that for a reason.  It hooks em'.  Yup.  Men are different.  Who I am is more important than what I wear.  But, what I wear projects a lot about my identity and priorities.  So I'm sure the thought is something along the lines of 'do you think these pants I'm wearing are immodest?"  It's not for me to make that decision and quite honestly I'm not looking at you.  I even own pants that many, including myself, consider modest!  It's inward!  Unless you've felt conviction, ever, you wont get it.  I don't even get my own why 100% of the time...yet, I feel 100% that I'm doing what is right for me at this time because it's Gods will.  For me.  Alone.  Inward!  My heart!

Con·vic·tion!  

Modesty comes from the Latin word modesta, which means moderation. Philippians 4:5 says "Let your moderation be known to all men.  The Lord is at hand."  Modesty isn't just about the skirt, it's about the girl in the skirt.  It's a banner of love.  It's about who or what I'm glorifying.  As a fitness instructor, I see lots of awesome physical changes in members at the gym.  Dedication makes me smile!  When I work hard, I get results.  It's really a cool concept....until it becomes idolized.  Woah buddy...back that train up!  I had to check myself.  Thank you Classical Conversations for focusing on studying the Ten Commandments last year.  Oh my!  Thank you Lord for boundaries to protect me...and more importantly when I cross them, for forgiving me.  Modesty goes beyond what is physically on my body.  There is arrogance and on the other side, humbleness.  There is swagger and...and... -it's late and my brain can't find an appropriate antonym.  Fail.

So once I got beyond that, I started looking at the history.  The history of bathing suits (I have since decided that anything with less fabric then a one piece or tankini isn't for me), skirts, dresses, aprons, trousers...it was an interesting history lesson to say the least.  Upon doing research, I would get interrupted and have to clean up dog food soup, or pull a 20 month old toddler off the counter.  Imagine that!  Needless to say, I would return to the computer to see Kalee reading what I was in the middle of.  She too has been on a skirt kick.  Not because of conviction.  Not because I am forcing it.  Because I am her biggest role model?  Eh, possibly?  When I asked her, it was because she likes them and "wanted to set a record".  Well....  I'm not going to tell her she has to wear a skirt.  I am going to tell her she has to cover her body though!  No hoochie-mama booty shorts in mi casa!  That's about it.  Dressing rules in my house are much more lenient than even some of her peers, who's parents have never allowed 2 pieces or shirts that show skin when arms are up.  Have I mentioned all this is inward?  My heart.  Not influenced by anything other than the Holy spirit.  I'm not trying to get all 'religious' or be 'holier than thou'.  As mentioned, very few understand conviction.  Just nod and say I'm cray-cray.  It's all good.

Is this permanent?  Possibly.  Probably.  I don't know would be the best answer.  I do know that it's inward.  Modesty is not just outward, it's how I conduct myself.  It's throwing my hip out and doing the 'sexy walk' because "I feel like dancing".  Woah!  Eeks.  Screeech! Can you guess what's coming?  I'm-no-longer-teaching-Zumba!  Inward, people!  In no way do I think it's wrong or bad.  In no way am I judging those that are doing it, taking classes, or intend to try it.  In fact, I think it's great for bringing people into fitness.  It's a perfectly useful tool to develop a healthy lifestyle and have fun while doing it.  I took classes for 7 years (minus the cancer period of my life) and taught for 3.  I was licensed to teach basic and Zumbatomic.  I loved it.  I lived it!  Fitness is still very much a part of my life.  I now realize that Zumba consumed me in an unhealthy way.  I made the decision and canceled my ZIN membership and was completely at peace doing so.  It was not as hard as I thought it would be (partially because I think it was a long season of preparation for that decision).  When talking about finances and gathering info for doing Dave Ramsey's financial peace worksheets, I informed Max that I canceled ZIN and it was no longer going to be a regular charge.  His response, "Really?  What made you do that?"  Simply put, it's not for me and it's my time to shift fitness focus.  Fitness still consumes me....in a healthy way.  I'm in it for my health and the health of others.  I'm furthering my education to go beyond the surface of fun fitness and into the science of how and why our bodies are so perfectly and wonderfully made.  Can that be accomplished while doing Zumba?  Absolutely!  It's just not for me, right now, at this time.  If you know me you know my fascination with God's design of a woman's body.  From conception, to child bearing, birthing, and sustaining a life, I'm intrigued - I love midwifery and lactation!  I love how we are made.

Now I am cycle certified and in the middle of training to become an instructor.  My heart is still to help people.  I also want to do it right which is why I'm taking time and learning quite a bit from peers.  As a result of this shift, I am also studying for a national group exercise fitness certification.  Oh, and for the record I did just order a "skapri" for fitness purposes. I need to find a happy medium as an instructor because members look at instructors form.  No, I'm not planning to go in with a knee length loose flowing skirt.  That's just....non functional.  Skorts and skapris are actually kind of cute.  Yeah, yeah....call me trendsetter.  Buahahaha! <---see at="" can="" class="Apple-style-span" even="" face="inherit" font="" i="" laugh="" myself="">

How am I supposed to conceal carry in warm weather if my entire body is Saran wrapped? BAM!  :)  Just say'n!  

Also, for those that have noticed my FB "likes" or have come right out and asked, thank you.  :)  It's hard for me to give a black and white answer beyond "personal conviction" and I hope the above explains a little more about how and why I have gone this direction....not that I feel the need or desire to justify.  I tried doing that already over the past year, with God.  Fail.  It's just right for me.

Much Love!